The Way Of The Superior Man (or Person).

“Every man knows that his highest purpose in life cannot be reduced to any particular relationship. If a man prioritizes his relationship over his highest purpose, he weakens himself, disserves the universe, and cheats his woman of an authentic man who can offer his full, undivided presence.” ― David Deida

I had seen this book being recommended by a lot of people. It had been on my reading list for a while, and I finally came around to reading it.

This book is essentially a bible for the masculine man in the modern world.  It has the power to radically improve a masculine mans’ relationship with every woman in his life.

The books subtitle is: “A spiritual guide for mastering the challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire.” 

But don’t let the title confuse you. This book is not about new age sexuality, nor is it some cheesy romance books that preaches “openness” over and over again. David Deida simply goes straight to the point and paints clear pictures of interactions between man and woman (or, I should rather say – masculine and feminine) and allows you to see the lessons for yourself.

“This book is a guide for a specific kind of newly evolving man. This man is unabashedly masculine—he is purposeful, confident, and directed, living his chosen way of life with deep integrity and humor—and he is sensitive, spontaneous, and spiritually alive, with a heart-commitment to discovering and living his deepest truth.” ― David Deida

David Deida

David Deida writes prolifically on subjects of sex and spirituality. He has a history of writing books on similar subjects. This at-least tells we’re dealing with a professional, or at least an experienced niche author.

He writing style is straight and direct, offering points and insights, in ways that might sometimes seem provocative.

“Live as if your father were dead” ― David Deida

Sentences like that might come out as brash to the average reader. But regardless of your opinion of him, his words offer some incredibly eye opening and life changing lessons.

The Book.

The book is not a scientific essay, but an eloquent collection of thoughts about the masculine identity of today.

“What you loved as a child is less interesting to you now as an adult. And what occupies your attention now will cease to sooner or later. This growth is both natural and good. We are designed to out grow everything – including our desire to experience and improve the realms of money, sex, and intimacy.” ― David Deida

1: Masculine vs Feminine…Not Man vs Woman

The core of the book is the difference between the masculine vs the feminine. Not such much male vs female, or man vs woman.

“Regardless of gender or sexual orientation, if you want to experience deep spiritual and sexual fulfillment, you must know your natural sexual essence – masculine, feminine, or balanced – and live true to it.” ― David Deida

2:Know your purpose

“You are only punishing yourself when you want to be in a relationship with a woman more than she wants to be a in a relationship with you.” ― David Deida

“If you don’t know your purpose, discover it now.” ― David Deida

Purpose is a core theme of the book, and by David, a mans Purpose comes before everything else.

For every man, their purpose must come before their relationship: Every man knows that his highest purpose in life cannot be reduced to any particular relationship. If a man prioritizes his relationship over his highest purpose, he weakens himself, disserves the universe, and cheats his woman of an authentic man who can offer her full, undivided presence.

And to find one’s purpose, one must being willing to do whatever it takes to live fully and freely, living just beyond one’s “edge” (comfort zone).

3:Tests in relationships

 “What She Wants Is Not What She Says”

“Don’t Force the Feminine to Make Decisions”

“She Doesn’t Really Want to Be Number One”

“Don’t Analyze Your Woman”

The book talks about how woman will normally test a man during a relationship, to see whether a man is quite capable of passing the tests or whether he will fail. If a man fails the tests that a woman put him through, then both respect and attraction are lost.

“Your woman knows your weaknesses better than anybody. She knows where you will falter and give up. She knows the degree of mediocrity you will settle for. And, she knows your true capacity as a full man, a man of free consciousness and love. Her gift, if she is a good woman, is to test you with her darkest moods, over and over and over, until your consciousness is unperturbed by feminine challenge, and you are able to pervade her with your love, just as you are here to pervade the world. In response to your fearless consciousness, she will drench your world in love and light.”  ― David Deida

“The most loving women are the women who will test you the most. She wants you to be your fullest, most magnificent self. She won’t settle for anything less. She knows it is true of you. She knows in your deepest heart you are free, you are Shiva. Anything less than that she will torment. And, as you know, she’s quite good at it.” ― David Deida

4: Polarity in Relationships

This book is primarily about masculine energy, feminine energy, and learning how to understand the way they dance with each other.

Deida stresses the importance of the polarity between masculine and feminine roles in love and relationships. This idea of polarity is somewhat based on the based off the eastern philosophy model of yin and yang.

“A woman with a more feminine sexual essence will say she loves you one moment, and then, when you have done something you are not even aware of, she will say she hates you. This is the beauty of the feminine: to her, the masculine grid of words and events is less relevant than the fluidity of relationship and feeling.” ― David Deida

“The false neutralization, or depolarization, of relationships is one of the main reasons that couples break up. The rejuvenative charge of sexual loving becomes weak, while all the things that irritate you and your partner remain just as strong as ever.” ― David Deida

Regardless of whether we are male or female, we each have both kinds of energy in us, the masculine and the feminine. Like a magnet where positive attracts negative, but negative and negative or positive and positive repel, masculine energy is attracted to its polar opposite, the feminine energy. For a truly harmonious relationship, it is important that there is a balance of both energies and that polarization remains.

The books point out there can be cases where two people with rather neutral energies in a relationship, he points out that such relations might work, but often lacks passion.


Overall, the book gives several options to see a different perspective on delicate topics such as, love, sexuality, relationships, purpose; knowledge that cannot be easily found today.

It is possible to read this book and not necessarily agree with everything David says, but you can be sure your perspective will expand. A highly recommended read for any superior person (man or woman).

“Every moment waited is a moment wasted.” ― David Deida

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